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:: Confusion ::
I'd like to think I'm pretty happy... and for the most part, I'm probably right. I haven't got much to complain about, and I've got a whole lot, in fact, to be thankful for. My problem is I don't do much of either... at least I don't think I do.

What am I getting at? I'm not quite sure yet, so bear with me.

I'd like to think that one of my greatest strengths is my ability to simply take whatever life throws my way and work with that. I'm a master of making do, of adapting... basically I'm pretty adept at diskarte. Throw me anywhere and I'll find a way to survive. Sure, I'll bitch and whine about my situation, but I'll be fine.

Now, one reason I'd be fine almost anywhere is this attitude of diskarte. For the most part, my thoughts revolve around the here and now. My attention is on the world around me. I'm usually pretty happy because anytime I look around, I'm bound to find something to help me get through my day... and hence, something to be thankful for.

Ok, you might know what I'm leading to already. If you do, then good for you. Me, I'm still not quite so sure.

The thing that bothers me is the nagging feeling that my attitude isn't very healthy. If survival is all that matters, then I'm in a great position. My problem is that I think I rely too much on what I have for my... err.. happiness.

Ok, I'm getting a bit confused myself with what I just wrote... but again, please bear with me.

My previous blog entries probably illustrate my point pretty well... partly because I haven't articulated it yet. I guess what worries me is the fact that I hardly take the time to reflect on things. Basically I'm worried about being shallow.... about my kababawan. The fact is, all I've been writing about are things that happen around me... things that are only relevant to me and a few other people. I discuss events, not what those events mean... to me, and to those I care for.

Something else just came to mind. I'm wondering now if what I'm really worried about is not my refusal to reflect, but my reluctance to share my thoughts. Now, I'm really not sure if I'm happy, but I do know that I'm fine. I know that reading my blog will tell you that much... but not much else.

Now I'm really confused. What is my point exactly? I know I tend to ramble... I sometimes think out loud instead of collecting my thoughts before talking. This is the blogging equivalent of that. This is confusing.

I guess that's everything... at least for now. My next blog entry will most probably be something a lot lighter, less contemplative. I'm not sure why... but I do know that that's the way it is.

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